


Let Me Bleed For You This Time

by hansungchan



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:14:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23716504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hansungchan/pseuds/hansungchan
Summary: And maybe he’s too caught up in the comfort and solace of that Sunday afternoon. Or maybe Jaemin’s just too engrossed with reminiscing and picturing Renjun’s beautiful artworks in his mind that the next sentence slipped off his mouth without much thought.“You don’t paint me anymore, Renjun.”
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 41





	Let Me Bleed For You This Time

**Author's Note:**

> So this idea came up to me one afternoon. Actually, this was supposed to be posted yesterday but yeah, the signal is shitty so I didn't get the time to do so. This is just a very random one so minimize your expectation. Also, the title is subject to change any time of the day simply because I am not yet satisfied with it and I'll try to come up with a new and creative one, if ever. 
> 
> Leave comments and kudos if you think this story deserves it, I really appreciate them. Thank you for reading :) xx
> 
> \- sungchan

It is an ordinary Sunday afternoon. Both Jaemin and Renjun seated together on the sofa, cold pineapple juice left untouched at the coffee table. The closing credits of a cheesy romantic movie rolling at the TV screen.

Jaemin yawned. He tried hard not to fall asleep for the last one and a half hours. Romance movies aren’t really his cup of tea. But he tried to pay attention, for the boy beside him.

He gave a side glance to Renjun. The boy, who’s very quiet and seemed focused the whole time, is still staring at the TV screen. As if immersed with the names rolling in the background.

“Well that was a nice movie,” Jaemin commented.

Renjun, who finally snapped out of his own world, looks at Jaemin. Smiling a little as he nods, “Yeah.”

“You know, the female lead reminds me of you.”

Puzzled, Renjun asked, “Why?”

Jaemin chuckled and shrugged. Hands reaching out to drink the abandoned pineapple juice. “You are both gorgeous.”

And automatically, just how Jaemin predicted, a shade of red made its way on Renjun’s cheek. “Shut up,” the older replied.

“It’s true though. You and the character is very similar in a lot of aspects. For example, hmm, you’re both small.” Renjun threw a pillow at Jaemin. On which the latter easily dodged with a laugh. “Hey! I’m not yet done. You’re similar not _just_ in height but you’re also both kind. Beautiful. Talented. Very lovable.”

Renjun is still glaring but Jaemin can see his resolve cracking. He smiles at his cute boyfriend. “But more than that, you’re both an artist.”

There’s a silence filling in the air. Neither Renjun nor Jaemin spoke for a minute. Jaemin is the one who breaks it. “Now that I think of it, you are not painting much these past few months. I remember before you would wake me up in the middle of the night, just so I could look at your art. Might it be a simple sketch, or a watercolor painting, or an artwork you’ve created out of your almost worn out oil pastel crayons.” Jaemin smiles at the memories.

And maybe he’s too caught up in the comfort and solace of that Sunday afternoon. Or maybe Jaemin’s just too engrossed with reminiscing and picturing Renjun’s beautiful artworks in his mind that the next sentence slipped off his mouth without much thought.

_“You don’t paint me anymore, Renjun.”_

Now, it's too late to withdraw those words. Not when Jaemin saw Renjun’s look of surprise. Not when the thick silence is now filling the already awkward atmosphere. Not when seeing the indifference flashing on Renjun’s eyes for a moment before it went completely blank.

See, Jaemin isn’t a needy person. He is not good when it comes to expressing his emotions and thoughts to others. Usually, he’d keep it all to himself. The last thing he wants is to look too dependent and clingy to other people. Even if they’re his loved ones.

Jaemin hates confrontations the most. Where the answers he was expecting to hear would slap him right in the face. Proving him that no, he would not be disappointed with his expectations.

Renjun’s eyes are scary to look at. Jaemin is afraid to meet them. So he’s not sure what kind of emotion they hold when Renjun replied.

_“I feel empty, Jaemin-ah. I can’t bleed out colors and create a masterpiece out of it for you anymore.”_

At that moment, Jaemin wished he could turn back the time. He would stop himself, clamp down his hand on his mouth to prevent himself from saying those thoughts out loud. Jaemin also wished the time would just tick fast if only so the stinging pain in his chest would dissolve.

 _“Oh.”_ Is what he could mutter in the end.

Jaemin couldn’t blame Renjun. Not when Renjun’s sketchbook from last year was filled by Jaemin’s smile. Not when their apartment is filled with paintings of him, all made by Renjun for the last one and a half years.

Jaemin couldn’t blame Renjun for running out of colors and shades. He couldn’t blame the older if there are no more pages left on his sketchbook for Jaemin.

No, Jaemin has no right to blame Renjun for saying those painful words.

Not when Renjun never blamed him for all those non-existent group projects and homework. Not when Renjun never said a thing every night Jaemin would sleep comfortably on his bed, even though he left the other in the middle of their argument, all to suffer on his own just because Jaemin hated confrontations. Not when Renjun forgave him again and again for all his lies. Not when Renjun still chose to stay, despite knowing that there are days where Jaemin finds comfort in someone else’s warmth.

“Come on, let’s clean up.” Renjun is the first one to break the suffocating silence. Feigning a smile as he stood up from the couch.

“Renjun?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you,” Jaemin said.

A tint of red spreads on Renjun’s cheek once more before he smiles. The kind of smile that reminds Jaemin of their first meeting. Of that first heartbeat when he realized he loves Renjun. It’s simple yet full of hope.

_“Hmmm. I know.”_

With Renjun’s answer, Jaemin bleeds a little more deep inside.


End file.
